yes? no? is it? maybe? could be?
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
The runaway bride!
Being the daydreamer that I am, I always used to think that whenever I get married, it has to be a typical shaadi. Maroon traditional outfit, Mehndi, mayoun, close friends and family.
But now I think otherwise.....and there are quite a few reasons to it...
There was a time, when come December & one had to go to three weddings a day. This
year July has the same feel to it-only that it is going to be way too hot & humid!
So, one of the so many shaadis is going to be my best friends wedding....
Getting engaged on the coming 29th inshallah & the wedding being in July, means the
shopping is already in full swing. And obviously no matter how much of a "no shopping" person I am, all those endless trips to Gulf, Aashiana, Saddar & Tariq road, I am pulled in to it. To put it in short, so far the wedding ki tayari has truely been an eye opener! Starting from the fact that
this female whom my friend is going to for her shaadi makeup is charging Rs.12000! Damn-thats alot for mere 4 hours!
Then this designer refused to give an appointment because she cant take any orders till September,her labour is already working 24/7.
This another upcoming designer when contacted, very blluntly said
," agar aap ka budget is above Rs.40,000 for a formal evening wear I can give you an appointment, but app sooch lai, mein nahin chahta kay aap ka time zaya ho-meri informal range check kar lain, that starts from Rs.20,000!"
I almost died of shock! had someone else told me about this, I would have refused to believe but I spoke
to Mr.Designer myself, so there was no denying!
Met up with this another friend of mine whos getting married in September. Seeing her in a pensive mood, I inquired about the issue. She had ordered a Rs 300,000 ka gharara for her shaadi & could'nt find anything comparable for her valima. For 10 minutes I think i had stopped breathing. Living in a country like ours, there
would be a million families who could get their kids married off respectably. Damn, where is the world coming too...
When I said that to my getting married friends, all they could say was...shaadi aik dafa hoti hai, jo jo karnay hai, kar laina chahiye!
And then my friends mother liked this dinner set which she wanted to buy for her daughter. (96 or 98 pieces, I cant recall)for Rs.112,000! cant understand this concept. why a dinnerset? Firstly, its so damn expensive & secondly I am sure
the grooms family has evolved...they dont eat their food in leaves anymore!
Crockery & cutllery can please be forgone!
So, after a week of endless shopping delimmas, the bottomline is that I have descided that I will have to run away
and get married! Coming from a typical Punjabi family means that when my time comes, things are going to be even tougher!
All that money that was going to be spent on useless things should rather be used in a more creative manner.....carribean cruise,
skydiving, a trip to Europe, Bunjee jumping, polar bear watching in alaska....whatever!
Posted by Kat at
12:21 PM
9 comments
Friday, April 22, 2005
untitled
Posted by Kat at
12:43 AM
3 comments
Love or something like it...
i have always found life very funny. Even in the most darkest of moments I tend to see the sunshine-
afterall its the humour that keeps the ball rolling, but this one episode has left me completely lost and
without humour. As much as I want I cant see the good bit to it.
And so it happens that one fine day, few years back, love (or something like it) descided to pull her in.
She could see a future, she could sense loads of happiness. the only issue was that the person she fell in love with
didnt see it that way. There was love (or something like it) on both ends-but somehow the ends were not meeting. Over the course of
years, they shared a beautiful relationship, very comfortable with their level of love (or something like it). There were times she would sit
& wonder if she would ever have so much love (or something like it) for her partner whom she would eventually settle
down with. The thought scared her.
Then one fine moment, things descided to change. Out of the blue, he proposed to her.
She was taken completely by shock. There was a roller coaster of emotions. Had'nt she been hoping, praying
& waiting for this all along? Then why the empty feeling? She was scared of the fact that maybe he was thinking too
emotionally-maybe he was not in his right mind. Why this sudden decision after all these years? Everything was right
there in front of her. The decision was hers to make. she wanted to shout out a "YES", but something would just stop her.
Sitting & analyzing, she came to the conclusion that getting into a bond of the sort would involve the risk of losing the
beautiful friendship she had with the guy & she loved him way too much for that to happen.
It would kill her to a certain extent, but if ever, in her later life she would nake him unhappy or make him regret the decision
she would never be able to forgive herself. She realised yet once again the intensity of love that she had for him, but she couldnt be
selfish & for her own happiness jump into it. They both were way too different & if thought of practically, problems were bound
to arise. Keeping all these things in mind & not wanting to put her "love or something like it" at stake, she kind off refused.
And now she just sits & wonders if saying "no" has upset him in any case.
But she has a strong belief in the fact that she has unconditional love (or something like it) for him, and no matter what happens
it will only grow with time.
Though for the time being she has lost her smile and the colours in her life!
Posted by Kat at
12:26 AM
6 comments
Sunday, April 10, 2005
The leftout perspective
A friend of mine is on a lookout for a bride. Told me to keep my eyes open. A list of "must haves"was laid out. Hmm...intresting.
Nothing really out of the box, just things that made sense. So, on on particular wedding, I point out this girl to him, who
is not exactly my friend, but we know of each other through certain friends.
He looks at her and smiles. turns to me saying, "shes already going out."I tell him that only a day before she confided in me that it didnt work out & therefore
the relationship had ended. he didnt even take two seconds to answer-Ï am sorry, no leftovers for me!" Leftovers???
I am still in a state of shock!
Posted by Kat at
7:09 PM
7 comments
Funny things life does...
After a lot of pondering session, i have realised that it is not my own concerns that bother me, rather it is other peoples
issues & concers that is the reason for my endless upcoming white hair! Now when life is going perfectly alright- my best friend
suddenly is going through a trauma. (For once, instead of making her see sense, I ended up crying with her).
Never before have I felt so helpless in my entire life. And this episode has made me redefine all my definations about life!
This friend of mine "J" was seeing this guy "O".
"O" is 3 years younger to "J", still studying & the youngest amongst his siblings. "J" on the other hand graduated
3 years back, is working & is the eldest amongst her siblings. "J"s parents have been on the lookout for a reasonable
proposal since a long while. "J" told them about "O". They were not too thrilled but if their daughter was happy, so were they.
"O"s mom refused to talk to "J"s parents, even though "O" realised time was running short, but nothing could persuade his mom.
"J"s parents on the other hand could'nt wait for long, because proposals were pouring in. They knew "O" was sincere, but it was
not the guy "J" was supposed to marry, it was the family. "O" kept on reassuring "j" that all would work out well. he would talk to his mom.
His khala invited "J"s family for dinner & all, but his mom was not there. One evening, "J" called crying hysterically, refusing to talk
about what happened. I rushed to her place to find out that "O"s mom has refused to accept "J" in the family. "o" still had'nt given
up hope. He suggested running away & getting married. ( Only men would come up with crazy ideas like this). I tried to make sense.
I was lost myself. "J" told her parents about this.
Exactly the next day, I got a sms from "J" at a mehndi saying that she might get engaged within the upcoming week. Shocked
out of my wits, I rushed home and called "J" who again was crying. She told me that this family had proposed & he whole khandaan thinks
that nothing could be better than this thing. The guy is a well settled 35 year old, and an only son. But what about "O"? "J" says that her
parents think that they have given "O" enough time to sort things out and they cant marry their daughter in a family where the mother in law refuses
to accept. I tell "J" to take a stand. She has turned to stone. she wants to see her family happy-not bothering about herself. Next week
is her engagement. the whole family is in a joyous mood. I, myself have never seen them so happy in the past 16 years, but all is at
the expense of their daughters happiness.
I try talking to "O", telling him to persuade his mother, but its futile. I dont understand who to go and murder. "J"s family for
not giving her time, or "O" for not being able to push his mom...
It kills me to see that "J" is starting a new life with such sadness. I was never too fond of "O" myself, but this is not how I wanted the story
to end. there is still a week to engagement, who knows things might just happen!
Posted by Kat at
7:07 PM
5 comments
Monday, April 04, 2005
A matter of mattering
The past week has been a detabe with self. There was a lot of thinking that happened, lots
of thoughts were stored in boxes where they belonged, certain norms were questioned, certain
beliefs pondered upon and certain opinions-reopinionated.
It all started when an acquaintance suggested that "me & him" should consider getting into
a commitment. No, it didnt take me by surprise, the timings were just kindof off! He did
admit that he didnt love me or anything, but it was a comfortable friendship where love could be developed.
I needed time to think. Being the non serious kind that I am, this issue was something that needed serious
thinking. I questioned myself, heavily. My basic foundation being, if it was right to get into a relationship
where I dont feel for the person? But on the other hand, if I am to settle down the tradational way (arranged marriage kind)
there too I would'nt necessairly "feel" for the person. My mom didnt feel for my dad before marriage...she had'nt even met
him! And they have had a good married life, mashallah.
In recent years, two of my friends got married off to total strangers, they are perfectly happy. An aunt of mine
"felt" strongly for her husband before marriage, shes leading a miserable life right now. What happened to the "feel"?
After lots of thinking and endless sleepless nights, I come to the conclusion that life is what you make of it.
Ok, so I might be a fool, but I do believe in serendipity. And getting into a commitment where I dont "feel" for the
person would mean that I am being unfair to him.
So, they say "äffirmations" work, if you say enough of them. Therefore I say "serendipity its is...serendipity
it is going to be, and serendipity is whats its going to be all about". So much for wishful thinking!
Posted by Kat at
8:28 PM
9 comments
thinking out loud!
Posted by Kat at
12:35 AM
1 comments
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The Invitation
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring
your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of
your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling
me is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
(c) Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Invitation
Posted by Kat at
12:03 PM
2 comments
That uncertainty factor
Have always been a believer of “that inner feeling”, but since a while now, that feeling has taken hold of me way too strongly. I do things that “feel right”-having no other judgment to base my decision on. The minute I start looking for reasons or start thinking rationally, I am lost!
To date, all my decision-making has been based on “the feel”. If it feels right, I’ll do it, if not its otherwise. I understand myself (or so I think) – but when I try explaining this to people, they think I have lost it all…when a certain decision is made, I can’t give a rationale. Its just made because that is how I felt it should be done. But of late people around me look at me, surprised “that inner feeling….what do you mean?” the more I try to rationalize things, the more I get lost in the whirlpool. It’s this strange phase I am going through…pushing too much to understanding things rationally. Hmm…why cant all the decisions be made for themselves. Am I making sense?
Posted by Kat at
12:00 PM
0 comments
Previous Posts
sorry
winter comfort
choice
may you forever rest in peace
a lot can happen over coffee
really
let go of the negative energy
color me emotional
secret
karachi
Archives
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006